Towards a Progressive neo-Hasidism
Transfeminist Neochassidus with the Em HaBanim:
The Woman Inside You
Art by Etai Rogers-Fett
Editor's Note:
The text you are about to encounter is a piece of neo-Chassidic Torah which rereads a set of seemingly misogynist verses in the book of Koheles (traditionally read during Sukkos) to reveal the deeper truth hidden in them. The author, the Em haBanim, is a contemporary commentator who combines the lens of Chassidic interpretation with the realities of her experience as a feminist trans Jew. Rather than presenting her ideas as full essays, she writes in the style of a traditional Torah commentary. Unlike an essay or an English drash, each word used here has a black-hole-level density of meaning. Each phrase could be an entire paragraph. If an essay about neo-Chassidus is like a furnished apartment, this drash is like a room full of boxes. She’s packed this piece full of Torah, and she is giving it to you, the reader, to do the work of unpacking it. It’s not meant to be read, it’s meant to be learned slowly, mining the depths of every word for meaning.
The Chassidic masters understood themselves to be channeling the Shechinah when they gave over their Torah. In the same spirit, the Em haBanim has listened to and recorded words that she herself does not claim to fully understand. What this Torah means can only be discovered through the work of unpacking, debating, and feeling your way into it. A fully elaborated thought is dead on arrival—the words here are seeds that need your water and your light to sprout.
Primary Source
וּמוֹצֶא אֲנִי מַר מִמָּוֶת אֶת־הָאִשָּׁה אֲשֶׁר־הִיא מְצוֹדִים וַחֲרָמִים לִבָּהּ אֲסוּרִים יָדֶיהָ טוֹב לִפְנֵי הָאֱלֹהִים יִמָּלֵט מִמֶּנָּה וְחוֹטֵא יִלָּכֶד בָּהּ׃
רְאֵה זֶה מָצָאתִי אָמְרָה קֹהֶלֶת אַחַת לְאַחַת לִמְצֹא חֶשְׁבּוֹן׃
אֲשֶׁר עוֹד־בִּקְשָׁה נַפְשִׁי וְלֹא מָצָאתִי אָדָם אֶחָד מֵאֶלֶף מָצָאתִי וְאִשָּׁה בְכׇל־אֵלֶּה לֹא מָצָאתִי׃
Now, I find woman more bitter than death; she is all traps, her hands are fetters and her heart is snares. He who is pleasing to God escapes her, and he who is displeasing is caught by her.
See, this is what I found, said Kohelet, item by item in my search for the reason of things.
As for what I sought further but did not find, I found only one human being in a thousand, and the one I found among so many was never a woman.
Commentary
ומוצא אני מר ממות את האשה
"Now I find the woman more bitter than death.”
האשה שבתוכך, שהיא חלק השכינה בגלות, מרה מן המות שהיא מתה, כי אין את נותנת לה לחיות
“The Woman” within you who is a fragment of the Shechinah in exile is bitter
from the death She is dying, because you are not letting Her live.
אשר היא מצודים וחרמים לבה כלומר אנשי העולם מציידים ומחרימים עליה מצודים וחרמים עד שהיא עצמה נהפכת להיות מרה וקשה על העולם כאילו לבה היתה מצוד ורש
“For She, Her heart is traps and snares,” as if to say that the men of the world hunt Her and lay traps for Her until She Herself transforms to become bitter and harsh against the world, as if her heart were a trap and snare.
ואסורים ידיה, נאסרים הם מבלתי יכולת לעשות שום דבר—מצייר קהלת כאילו האשה נאסרת וכלואה בתוך כלא לב
“And Her hands are chains”— they are chained from being able to do anything. Koheles is depicting the Woman chained and imprisoned in the prison of your heart.
לכן טוב לפני האלקים ימלט ממנה, טוב בעיני הי"ת מי שימלט מן המציידים השונאים את האשה ממנה, מתוך כוחה, כלומר כאשר תתני לה רווח לעשות חפציה, היא משתתפת עמך לתת לך כח למלט מיד שונאיה—וזה בבחינת אתערותא דלתתא ואתערותא דלעילא
Therefore “the one who is pleasing to God escapes from her”— good in the eyes of Hashem is the one who “escapes” from the hunters who hate the Woman “from her,” from the strength of Her power. That is to say, when you give Her space to do what She wants, She joins with you to give you power to escape from the clutches of Her haters— and this is a form of arousal from below leading to arousal from above.
אבל וחוטא ילכד בה, קהלת מזהיר שיש סכנה באתערותא הדא, כי מי שרוצה להתירה מן אסוריה מתוך כוחו ולא מתוך כוחה, בשביל עצמו ולא בשבילה, הוא חוטא וילכד בה, במצודיה וחרמיה שעדיין בלבה, שהרי החוטא לא רפא מה שהיא מרה ואז תהיה עליו קשה ממות
But “one who sins is caught by Her”: Koheles is warning that there is a danger in this arousal, for one who wants to free Her from Her chains, from the strength of their own power and not from Hers, for their own sake and not for Hers, that one “sins” and “is caught by Her” in Her traps and snares that are still in Her heart—for the sinner has not healed Her bitterness, and so She will be as bitter as death towards them.
כדאיתא ביבמות (סג) רחמנא ליצלך ממידי קשה ממותא. ומי איכא מידי קשה ממותא? נפק דק ואשכח, ומוצא אני מר ממות את האשה. רב הוה קא מצערא ליה דביתהו וכו
This is as it is brought in Yevamos 63: “God save you from the hands of what is worse than death!” And is there something worse than death?! Rav went, investigated, and found, Now I find the woman more bitter than death etc. Rav’s wife was giving him a hard time…”
ונראה שלא זכה רב לראות את גאולת אשתו לא ההיא שכנגדו ולא ההיא שבלבו, ולא זכה לקיים את הפסוק אז הייתי בעיניו כמוצאת שלום (שיר השירים ח:י)
It seems that Rav did not merit to see the redemption of his woman, not the one across from him and not the One in his heart; nor did he merit to fulfill the verse “So I became in his eyes as one who finds favor.” (Shir haShirim 8:10)
וכמ"כ אמר קהלת להלן אשר עוד בקשה נפשי ולא מצאתי אדם אחד מאלף מצאתי ואשה בכל אלה לא מצאתי דווקא לא מצא בהם אשה, שלא מצא אדם אחד שהאשה שכלואה בלבו היתה נמצאת ומצויה, מדברת ועושה מעשיה בלי אסורי ידיה
And this is what Koheles was talking about further on: “As for what I sought further but did not find: I found only one person in a thousand, and in all these I did not find a woman.” (Koheles 7:28) His language is precise: he did not find Woman in them, he found not a single person in whom the Woman in their heart was present and detectable, speaking and acting without her hands chained.
והעד לעניין של האשה הצפונה בתוך לב כל אחת ואחת הוא מה שכתב ראה זה מצאתי אמרה קהלת, אמרה בלשון נקבה
And as a testament to the idea of the Woman concealed in the heart of each and every person, there is the verse “See, this is what I found, said Koheles,” (Koheles 7:27)--said is grammatically feminine.
ויש עוד רמז לענין הזה בשיר השירים שנאמר (שיר השירים ח:ו) שימני כחותם על לבך כחותם על זרועך כי עזה כמות אהבה קשה כשאול קנאה רשפיה רשפי אש שלהבתיה
There is another hint at this idea in Shir haShirim, as it says “Let me be a seal upon your heart, Like the seal upon your hand. For love is fierce as death, Passion is mighty as Sheol; Its darts are darts of fire, A blazing flame.” (Shir haShirim 8:6)
ואחר שכתבתי את הביאור הזה, מצאתי בספר ראשית חכמה (שער התשובה, פרק א') ז"ל: ראוי שיתעורר לשוב בתשובה כשיחשוב שהשכינה גולה בסבתינו וכו' והתרתה מהגלות תלויה על ידי תשובתינו למה לא יתעורר כל אחד ואחד בתשובה להקל מעליה עול הגלות. והוא הביא זה הלשון מן התקונים להראות דבריו: ווי לון לבני נשא דקודשא בריך הוא אסיר עמהון בגלותא ושכינתא אסירת עמהון ואתמר בה אין חבוש מתיר עצמו מבית האסורין [ברכות ה:] ופורקנא דילה דאיהי תשובה אימא עילאה איהי תלויה בידיהון עכ"ל. ברוך וברוכה שכיוונו לכוונה העליונה
After I wrote this explanation, I found the following in the book The Beginning of Wisdom (Gate of Repentance 1), “It is fitting that you would wake up to return in repentance when you consider that the Shechinah is in exile because of us…and Her release from this exile depends on our repentance. Why wouldn’t each and every person awaken to repent in order to ease from Her the yoke of exile?” And the author quotes from the [Kabbalistic book] Tikkunim to prove his words: “Oy to the people with whom the Holy Blessed One is imprisoned in exile, and with whom the Shechinah is imprisoned! About Her it is said A captured person cannot free themself from prison (Berakhos 5b). And She who is the Supernal Mother, Her redemption, which is repentance, depends on them.” He and I are blessed that we have intuited the Divine intention.
ובתיקונים הנ"ל יש רמז לענין עמוק עמוק בפירוש על הפסוק ויפן כה וכה וירא כי אין איש, כ"ה וכ"ה זה חמשין תרעין דחירו עמה, ואין איש כי אם היא, השכינה, בעד החלון ע"ש
Also, in the above Tikkunim, there is a hint at a deep, deep concept in the explanation of the verse “And he turned here and there and saw there was no man” (Shemos 2:12), “here and there” refer to the 50 gates of freedom with Her, and “there was no man” but only Her, the Shechinah, behind the window. See there.
Conclusion
In Torah study, the most difficult challenges conceal the greatest secrets. The above reading draws out the deeper meaning of what appears to be a bitterly misogynist statement from Koheles. Women—and the Woman, the Shechinah, who is the feminine aspect of Hashem who joins us in exile—are bitter in this world because of the misogyny we encounter. Koheles, who on a surface reading did not understand this, found us “bitter” from the little deaths we suffer daily in a world that hates us, and he assumed that bitterness was inherent to womanhood. Once we recognize that She is not naturally bitter or dangerous, we can start to encounter Her for who She truly is, and this process of relationship for the other’s sake is what leads to freedom. The Kabbalistic concept of reciprocal arousal, isarusa dilesata ule’eyla [1], means that when we arise to free Her, She arises to free us—but if we arise to entrap Her, She becomes the trap that ensnares our hearts. In this sense, womanhood is what we make of it: a cage the world traps us in, or a wild, liberating encounter with one of the Faces of God.
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End Notes:
[1] Isarusa dilesata ule’eyla / אתערותא דלתתא ולעילא. Literal translation: “Arousal/Awakening that’s from below and from above.” There is an energetic flow that exists between God and humankind. That flow can be activated when either side takes the initiative to turn it on. When God takes the initiative to awaken the connection, like when Ze sent down the Plagues in Egypt, it’s called isarusa dile’eyla, “arousal from above.” When people take the initiative, like when David asked to build the Temple, it’s called isarusa dilesata, “arousal from below.” The point is that when God awakens us, we respond–but also that when we awaken God, Ze responds too.